


i bloom for you

by thegrandoptimist



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, The Clan AU, Violence, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:37:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6898879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegrandoptimist/pseuds/thegrandoptimist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>part of the oath that minhyuk took was to protect the clan, to keep his friends safe.</p><p>somehow, he can't even do that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i bloom for you

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to chae hyungwon and lee minhyuk for holding hands in a bathtub. i really appreciated it.
> 
> remember to support your local gay angst flower cult and watch [all in](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNxPGbk-gwA) on youtube!

minhyuk remembers exactly what hyungwon’s face had felt like the first time they kissed; his skin smooth and warm under the hand minhyuk had secured on his cheek.  minhyuk grew to know the feeling well.  it was almost routine for minhyuk to run his fingers along hyungwon’s face, tracing the skin like a map he couldn’t wait to memorize.

but hyungwon is wearing a mask.  he swats at minhyuk's hands every time the older boy attempted to touch the mask.  through the white fabric, minhyuk can see patches of blood start to seep through.

"please, hyungwonnie.  please just let me see."

it takes a lot of coaxing before hyungwon finally lets minhyuk hook his fingers under the thick and scratchy material of the mask, pulling it up and off.  minhyuk cradles hyungwon's face in his hands as the younger boy begins to cry; minhyuk knows exactly what hyungwon’s face feels like and this isn’t it.

his skin is swollen, eyes bruised to the point where they can barely open.  there’s blood, some dried and flaking, some still warm and oozing, streaking across his entire face.  minhyuk can’t even find what wound it’s coming from.  underneath minhyuk’s touch, fingers grazing as gently as possible, hyungwon’s face feels dry and rough.  it's like he's a completely different person.

“who?” minhyuk asks, his voice coming out choked and angry.

hyungwon just shifts his eyes away.

 

-

 

it all used to be a joke.

minhyuk remembers that it started as a joke; him and his friends sick of the government, whispering secret plots and conspiracies to each other in the secrecy of the forest, laughing at the idea that one day they’d overcome it all.  there was always some underlying truth to it, but they were just kids.  they had no real means of executing anything.  it never really meant anything.

then there was the cloud, and those stupid fucking flowers.

once they figured out everything the flowers could do, those secret plots and whispered complaints carried a lot more weight.  suddenly the thought that they could win wasn't a joke anymore.  suddenly there were guns and violence and a constant euphoric high.  the guns were a mistake.  they were all just kids, none of them should have had guns.

but they did.

they started off small, raiding local military bases, stealing everything they could; food, medicine, weapons.  the government had taken everything from them.  the only thing they could do was take everything back.

_take back all that we have lost._

it was supposed to be a simple raid.  no one was supposed to get caught.  no one was supposed to get hurt.  the guns were just for show, an added sense of security.

(the gun used to feel a lot heavier in his hands, minhyuk remembers that.  it used to weigh him down, physically and emotionally just to hold the thing.  nowadays, he just feels heavy without it.)

then suddenly everything went awry.  it was just supposed to be an easy raid but now there was screaming and men running at them from every direction.

jooheon fired the first shot; with a horrified interest, they all watched as the bullet hit its target.  blood splattered everywhere and then the man collapsed to the ground.   _dead_.  jooheon fired again.

just like that, all of them had their guns up and ready, bullets crackling as they hurried through the base, trying to get out before it was too late.

no one was supposed to get caught.  no one was supposed to get hurt.  they shouldn't have had guns.

minhyuk turned in time to see a man grab hyungwon.  the boy screamed in panic, flailing in an attempt to get out of the man's grasp.

 _take back all that we have lost_.

minhyuk did the only thing he could think to do.  he aimed his gun, and fired.

hyungwon looked shellshocked, blood splattered all across his face as the man went limp and released him, dropping to the ground.  minhyuk grabbed his hand and pulled.

"we need to get out of here."

"you killed him," hyungwon whimpered, eyes glued to the corpse at his feet.

"hyungwon, we need to go," minhyuk pulled harder on hyungwon's wrist.  hyungwon moved his eyes up, staring at minhyuk.  he looked scared.  he looked like he didn't even recognize minhyuk anymore.  he hadn't budged, _wouldn't_ budge; it was like he was daring minhyuk to go on without him.  a bullet flew past them, knocking into the ground a few feet away.  minhyuk didn't know where the rest of their group was.  "i won't leave you."

slowly, hyungwon nodded, like he finally finished processing everything going around him.  another bullet shot past them, dangerously close to hitting them.  with minhyuk's hand still around his wrist, he started to run.

they made it out, frantically shooting behind them to stop anyone that tried to follow them.

they went to their forest hideaway, the only place they had left.  the rest of the group was there, waiting for them.  it was like a wave of relief washed over every single one of them, knowing they were all still alive.

"is anyone hurt?" hyunwoo asked, eyes sweeping along the panicked faces of his friends.

"my knee is bleeding.  i fell.  i'm okay, i think," changkyun said, staring down the blood oozing from his leg.

"hyungwon, you're bleeding," hoseok had said, reaching a hand out to touch hyungwon's face.

"that's not my blood," he stated.  he sounded empty and distant.

it came rushing back to minhyuk.  that wasn't hyungwon's blood because minhyuk shot someone.  more than that, minhyuk _killed_ someone.  he was the reason that hyungwon sounded a thousand miles away; he made him feel that detached.

an overwhelming sense guilt and disgust washed over him, twisting and knotting his stomach; before he could do anything to stop it, he threw up.  he emptied his stomach to the guilt and the look of fear hyungwon had given minhyuk earlier.

(minhyuk doesn't remember what guilt feels like.

he wishes he could.)

 

-

 

"hyungwon.  look at me.  who did this?" minhyuk doesn't know why he's asking.  he knows exactly who did this.  hyungwon just dips his head further, as if minhyuk won't see him as long as he can't see minhyuk.  minhyuk stands up angrily.  "i'm gonna kill them."

"minhyuk," hyungwon whimpers, grabbing him by the wrist.  his voice is as cracked and broken as he looks.  it hurts to hear him like that.  "please _don't_."

hyungwon has been saying for weeks now that they need to stop.  that these flowers are ruining them.  that their clan has lost its noble cause.  that they are no better than the people they claim to be fighting against.  that they're not even human anymore.

every time he brings it up, jooheon screams at him about the oath.  the oath that they all agreed to, all bound themselves to by blood.

hyungwon hates it.  he had spent hours crying into minhyuk's chest the week prior, begging the older boy to leave the clan.  trying and trying and trying to convince him that nothing the clan did was worth it; that they could live happy lives somewhere far away, tucked away somewhere that the government would never find them.

it was a pleasant thought.

but now, with hyungwon's face bloodied and bruised, minhyuk can't think of anything but getting revenge.  every rational thought hyungwon had instilled in him left the minute that mask came off.  he yanks his wrist out of hyungwon's grasp, pretends to not be affected by the pained look hyungwon shoots him.

"they can't get away with this, hyungwon.  i won't let them get away with this."

there's blood on his fingers and on his wrist when he walks away.

he can hear hyungwon crying when he slams the door shut behind him.

 

-

 

minhyuk had always been a little bit in love with hyungwon.  it was hard not to be.  in a world as dismal as theirs, it was hard for people to stay levelheaded.  yet hyungwon always did.  he never rushed to judgement or made any rash decisions.  he was calm and collected in a way that minhyuk couldn't help but admire.

then there was his looks; tall, slender, pretty face, even prettier lips.  it was just so easy to fall in love with him.

between the clan, all of them were touchy with each other.  they all loved each other.  it was easy to press lips against someone else's skin.  growing up in a world that had been broken their entire lives meant that the only true comfort any of them knew was physical intimacy.  so they fell into that.

yet there was always something different between minhyuk and hyungwon.  it was like hyungwon was the sun and minhyuk was left to orbit him endlessly, waiting for the day that gravity finally pulled him in.

it didn't take long after discovering the flowers for the orbit to shift, and minhyuk came crashing into hyungwon.

sitting around the fire, drunk on flowers and adrenaline, minhyuk had simply leaned over and pressed his mouth to hyungwon's.

it was sloppy and uncoordinated.  he used too much tongue and his hands clutched at hyungwon's face too tightly.  the flowers blurred his senses, blurred what was right and wrong.  he never would have kissed hyungwon if he was sober; he would have been content to orbit hyungwon forever, never needing to do anything more than protect the younger boy.

but hyungwon kissed back.

with their bodies pressed together and their mouths pressed even closer, minhyuk never wanted to do anything else.

 

-

 

the gasoline cans strain at his muscles, yet feel light all the same.  like the heavy burden of what he was going to do meant nothing to him anymore.

he wishes he could feel guilt.  he wishes he could feel anything but anger and bitterness.

( _love_ , he thinks belatedly.  he wishes he could still feel love.  he's not sure that any of them can anymore.)

changkyun finds him filling a third gasoline can.  "what the fuck is going on, minhyuk?"

"they hurt hyungwon."

_defend each other.  take back all that we have lost.  protect the clan._

changkyun knows these words as well as minhyuk does.  minhyuk knew the second changkyun heard, he would be onboard to help him.

"i'm going to get hoseok."

somehow, the cans feel heavier with three people carrying them.

alone, minhyuk knew what he was doing was a suicide mission.  that he could never make it out in one piece on his own.  what mattered was taking out as many people as he could in the process.

with hoseok and changkyun by his sides, it all seemed more malicious, like somehow three people meant they were going to outnumber and overpower the people they set out to kill.  minhyuk wonders if this is what hyungwon meant when he said they were no better than the people they were fighting against.

the other two have flowers running through their veins; minhyuk can tell by the way they twitch and thrash, movements animalistic instead of human.  he can't remember the last time he saw either of them sober.  what scares him is that he can't even remember if _he's_ sober anymore.  maybe hyungwon remembers.  he's the only one that can think clearly these days.

getting into town is easy.  the people had finally given up, almost never coming out of their buildings; with no one outside, there is no reason to patrol the streets anymore.

there is also no one outside the government building, but it is clear, from the way the lights flicker and the shadows move, there are plenty inside.

the three each take a separate window, painting an x across the glass.  their revenge will not go unnamed.  everyone will know who did this.

they surround the building in gasoline first, lighting it on fire, before they move on to throwing molotovs through the windows.  screams of panic can be heard from within the building as the flames start to lick their way up, both inside and outside.  there is no way out, every exit leading only to more fire.  smoke starts to plume around them.

"what the fuck are you doing?" someone screams nearby, and then minhyuk is hitting the ground.  someone is on top of him, hands reaching to wrap around his neck.

minhyuk is ready to scream and fight when a loud _bang_ rings out through the area.  it almost drowns out the sounds of those burning inside the building.  there's blood everywhere and the man on top of him slumps over, limp and lifeless.

"let's get out of here before anyone else shows up," changkyun says, pocketing his gun.  hoseok helps minhyuk out from under the dead man and up off the ground.

they move further down the street to watch the chaos.  there's screaming everywhere; from the people inside and from the people outside, all desperate to stay alive.  as the building burns, orange and bright in front of them, the smoke wafts through the air; it fills up minhyuk's lungs in a way that oxygen never could.  

there's blood drying on his face and he can't help but wish it was his own.

 

-

 

hyungwon was given a needle and some ink.  changkyun was sinking his own needle into kihyun's skin, while hoseok, hyunwoo, and jooheon took turns with their needle.  that left only minhyuk.

hyungwon was gentle.  he rested one hand on the back of minhyuk's neck, holding it tight and still, while his other hand steadily pressed the ink into minhyuk's skin.  it hurt, but hyungwon was quick and precise, each movement purposeful.  soon enough, an 'x' was pressed into his skin, resting just behind his right ear.

hyungwon passed the needle to him and stared expectantly.  his eyes were full of trust.

minhyuk's hands shook.  he reached out, touching the expanse of skin along hyungwon's cheek.  smooth and warm. just like always.

one hand on hyungwon's neck, minhyuk raised his other trembling hand, bringing the needle to hyungwon's skin.  the younger boy breathed out a sound of discomfort.  minhyuk pulled back.

"keep going," hyungwon said.  his voice shook, not with pain, but some kind of hesitation.

when minhyuk finished, the 'x' branded into hyungwon's skin, he leaned forward, allowing himself to kiss the ink.  hyungwon shuddered underneath his touch.  briefly, minhyuk wondered what it would be like to kiss hyungwon's lips instead.

he heard the others celebrating behind them, but it was hard to focus on anything except hyungwon sitting in front of him; his eyes were filled with that same sense of hesitancy minhyuk had heard in his voice, a nervousness that bordered on fear.

"we're doing the right thing," minhyuk told him.

"of course we are," hyungwon agreed.

neither of them sounded too sure anymore, but with the 'x' permanently marked into their skin, there was no going back anymore.

 

-

 

dozens die in the fire, the flames spreading to several of the surrounding buildings.  some of the victims are guilty.  most of them aren't.

"how can anyone be innocent anymore in this godforsaken world?"  jooheon screams at them, splattered in paint, flower petals burning all around them.

hyungwon doesn't say anything; he just stares blankly into the fire before him.  he has hardly said anything since everything happened.  his face is healing, bruises fading away into greens and yellows that discolor his skin.  underneath the paint minhyuk had smeared onto him, they almost aren't even visible.

"everyone is guilty of something.  even us!"

"then who are we to decide who gets to live and die in this world?" hyungwon finally snaps.  his eyes are no longer blank, but instead are burning intensely.  it's the most alive minhyuk has seen him in months.  "jooheon, who the fuck are we to be out there playing god?  with other people's lives?"

"who the fuck are we?  hyungwon, we're who we always have been!"  changkyun answers, though his eyes are hazy and unfocused.  his cup sits empty in front of him, his lips are tinged purple.

"we are the x clan," jooheon states.  "we take back all that we have lost, those are our words.  those are the words _you_ swore to live by."

minhyuk reaches a hand out to try and calm hyungwon- to hold his hand or to touch his arm, to do something, _anything-_ but the younger flinches and pulls away.  minhyuk wonders if hyungwon knows that minhyuk had been the one who wanted to kill all those people.

"we didn't lose our lives.  that wasn't taking anything back," hyungwon exclaims, his voice getting increasingly loud and distressed.  "that was _murder_!"

"hey!" hyunwoo shouts, bringing silence to the entire group.  "we defend our members.  you got hurt, hyungwon.  we had to protect the clan."

"protect the clan," hyungwon echoes incredulously; he shudders like the words physically pain him to say.  he's blank again, as though the fire and passion burning in his eyes has been put out once again.  he doesn't flinch away when minhyuk puts a hand on top of his.  he doesn't have the energy anymore.

"protect the clan!"  kihyun repeats, though he says it more like a cheer; just like that, the tension breaks.  glasses are raised, toasts of _to the clan_ are made.

but through it all, hyungwon stays blank.  

minhyuk leans in close and runs his hand along hyungwon's cheek.  it's smooth and warm underneath his touch.  "i needed to keep you safe.  i couldn't let them get away with what they did to you."

hyungwon nods blankly, not really listening to what minhyuk is saying.  minhyuk leans closer, pressing his lips to hyungwon's.

hyungwon doesn't kiss back.

 

-

 

"we need like, rules, or something," kihyun suggested, twirling a flower between his index finger and thumb.  "something to keep us in check despite it all."

"we need to defend the clan," hyunwoo immediately stated.  his voice was monotone, but there was a seriousness underlying his statement.  "this clan is for us.  we need to protect it, no matter what."

jooheon nodded in agreement.  "not only defend the clan, but defend each other.  make sure that no one gets left behind."

it was so easy to say the rules.  to make them seem reasonable, easy to follow.  it was easy to think they were doing the right thing.

"let's not forget the reason we're doing this," hoseok spoke up.  "the government always just takes and takes from us.  it's time they get a taste of their own medicine."

"to take back all that we've lost," changkyun summarized.

"it gives us a reason to live again," minhyuk said quietly.  

"having a reason to trust other people again is nice," hoseok agreed.  "it's like we're not so fucking empty anymore."

they rattled off a variety of other thoughts and ideas, though many seemed to be rehashed statements of how the clan had to be protected.

"we need to do what's right," hyungwon suggested after a brief moment of quiet.  everyone looked at him strangely; here they all were, discussing the dark laws of this cult they were forming, and hyungwon suggested doing the right thing?  "we need to move forward.  to follow the path that the clan lies down.  do what the clan deems right."

slowly, everyone seemed to nod as hyungwon's words washed over them all.

"yeah… i like that.  follow the clan's path.  that's good," jooheon mumbled, though he was busy looking around, trying to find anything to write it all down.

changkyun beat him to it, pulling a pen from one of his pockets.

on the blank canvas of his forearm, he drew a single x, then proceeded to write down the first rule.

_defend one another._

he drew a second x.

_take back everything that we have lost._

a third x.

_occupy our empty hearts._

a fourth x.

_find the right path and move forward._

a fifth x.

_never leave anyone else behind._

a sixth x.

_become one._

a seventh x.

_protect the clan._

everyone stared down at his arm, reading the words he had written.

"an x for each of us," kihyun said quietly.  he reached a hand out like he was going to touch changkyun's arm, then flinched backwards as though startled by his own actions.

"the x clan," hyunwoo said.  it was a joke, but everyone nodded thoughtfully.

"the x clan.  i like that," jooheon grinned.

an hour later, each one of them had slit their palms.  one at a time, they let the blood drip down onto a single flower.

"on my honor, to the x clan," each had stated, blood staining the purple flower red.

when each had bled, the liquid drying onto the flower, jooheon burned it.  the smoke filled their lungs; hot and suffocating.  the moment minhyuk breathed it in, he knew: oxygen would never be enough for him.

he looked over at hyungwon, the boy tentatively drinking a cup full of flower.

"to the x clan," minhyuk had said to him, offering his own cup towards hyungwon like a toast.

"the x clan," hyungwon repeated in a quiet voice, his cup clinking against minhyuk's.  minhyuk smiled at him.  hyungwon didn't smile back.

 

-

 

there are bullets everywhere.  they are not their bullets.  everything is going so fast and yet it all seems to drag in slow motion.  minhyuk's side is drenched in blood, but it is not his own; it's all changkyun's, from when he took a bullet standing next to minhyuk.  he doesn't know where changkyun is now.  he has scattered memories; a voice crying out in desperation, a hand reaching out for help, the group being split up in a panic.  his memories are all stained red with the blood of his friends.  he doesn't know where any of them are now.

none of that matters though, because hyungwon is going to die.

he's laid out flat in front of minhyuk, bleeding and unresponsive.  minhyuk had managed to drag him into a crevice, hidden from plain view, but he's sure the soldiers will find them if they don't move soon.

hyungwon lets out of whimper and all minhyuk can do is clutch at the younger boy's face, whispering desperately.

"hyungwon.  hyungwonnie, you gotta stay with me, okay?  stay with me."

a whimper.  a choked sob.  too much blood.  hyungwon is barely breathing anymore.

it takes all of minhyuk's energy to get the flower into hyungwon's mouth, carefully coaxing him into swallowing it.  the younger boy moans in pain before going silent.

it's not enough to keep him alive.  none of what he has is enough to keep hyungwon alive, but it at least stalls his death.  gives minhyuk time to think.

he thinks about the others.  

thinks about changkyun and his blood staining the side of his shirt.  he wonders whether he's out there, still bleeding, or if his blood has run dry.

thinks about kihyun, legs crippled, screaming in a last attempt for help.  he lost sight of the other boy in the smoke and fog, when his limping couldn't quite keep up.

thinks about hyunwoo, how his skin smelled like smoke.  they were being chased all because hyunwoo had burned the money.  despite it all, he doesn't blame him.

thinks about hoseok, the desperate look on his face when he reached out for minhyuk's help; tears and blood smearing his face.  minhyuk should have helped him.

thinks about jooheon.  jooheon who held them all together and tried to pull them all to safety.   _never leave anyone else behind_ , those were jooheon's words.  he lived by the oath of the clan.  maybe he managed to save the others.  maybe he at least saved hoseok.

the sound of gunshots seems to be fading into the distance.  this is his only chance.

with every ounce of strength he has left, he slips his arms underneath hyungwon and pulls, scooping him up bridal style.

bleeding and unconscious, minhyuk can't believe how small he looks.

 

-

 

jooheon found the flowers first.  he entered their forest hideaway calmly, his arms filled with purple flowers.  minhyuk had never seen anything like them before.

"i know how we're going to win this war," he declared.

changkyun narrowed his eyes in suspicion.  "i don't think any hippie vibe flower crown bullshit is going to help us win."

"no, you don't understand.  this isn't just any old flower!"  jooheon exclaimed.  he held the flowers out towards them.  "i can't explain it to you.  but i can show you."

it took awhile for jooheon to get everything in order.  he cut, crushed, mixed, did everything to the flowers until all that was left was a syrupy liquid, a cup filled up for each of them to drink.

"how did you know how to make that?"  hyungwon asked, eyeing the drink suspiciously.

it seemed to dawn on jooheon that he had never made this before, yet knew how to make it perfectly.  "i… i can't explain it.  it's like something in me just… knew.  or something."

hyungwon frowned, a look of distrust spreading across his face.

"so what is this?"  hoseok asked, cutting off any of hyungwon's remaining questions.

"this, my friends, is our ticket to victory," jooheon grinned, then chugged his drink.

they didn't know what else to do, didn't think there was anything else _to_ do.

so they all raised their own glasses and drank.

 

-

 

getting hyungwon into the tub on his own is difficult; the younger boy, all long limbs, hung limp and heavy in minhyuk's arm as he carried him back.

in the water, hyungwon barely seems alive.  the only true indication of life is the small, gentle ripples that move across the surface with every inhale and exhale hyungwon manages.

minhyuk sits next to him, crying; the tears feel foreign, a strange burning in his eyes that he hasn't felt in so long.

"please stay with me, okay?"  he whispers, reaching out to run his fingers through hyungwon's hair.  it's matted and dirty, blood flaking off onto minhyuk's hand.  "you just need to hang on a little bit longer."

the small vial is to be used for emergencies only.  as tendrils of red ooze out of hyungwon, spreading through the water and coloring it a sickly shade of red, minhyuk decides that this counts as an emergency.

he can still remember when jooheon made the potion for them all.  no one could explain where jooheon's knowledge of the flower came from (though minhyuk certainly had his own guesses) but he was never wrong about anything.

"this vial is to be a last resort only," he told them all, handing one to each of the members.  "it has the power to bring people back to life, to heal them fully… but at a cost."

none of them really knew what that meant back then, but minhyuk understands now.

taking the vial, he tips it into the water.  the purple swirls with the already red water, overpowering it until the water is completely purple.  a floral smell wafts up, mixed with the coppery smell of hyungwon's blood; it makes minhyuk nauseous.

"you just gotta stay with me a little longer, okay, hyungwon?"

minhyuk leans down, pressing his mouth against hyungwon's.  the younger boy's mouth is cold and unresponsive underneath his.

"you're going to make it.  i promise."

 

-

 

they found the cloud before they found the flowers.  jooheon had come crashing into their forest hideaway, screaming about seeing something in the sky.

it had been stupid.  so, _so_ stupid.  they should have let it go.  excused it as another shitty government conspiracy.  joked that it was aliens.

they should have done literally anything but go to check it out.

but they went.

"what the fuck is that?" hoseok whispered, cowering slightly behind hyunwoo.

everyone hesitated to go closer, except for jooheon.  he inched closer and closer, the purple glow illuminating his skin.

"jooheonie, don't get too close," hyungwon had called out, his tone almost frantic.

"we don't know what it is!"  minhyuk said.

jooheon wasn't listening though.  like a moth to a flame, jooheon kept moving forward.  it was as if the cloud was calling out to him, luring him into some unknown trap.

"guys, i think it wants me to touch it," jooheon breathed out.  he was so close to the cloud, so far away from everyone else, no one was able to properly hear what he said.  then his hand was reaching out, fingers extended.

"jooheon, don't!"  kihyun screamed, but it was too late.  jooheon's fingers had brushed along the cloud, a suddenly burst of light coming out of it.

the light was absolutely blinding.  minhyuk squinted, trying to see what was happening.  it looked as though purple light was seeping out of jooheon, glowing from somewhere deep within.  minhyuk blinked a few times.  it had to be the light from the cloud, reflected off of him.

he blinked again and just like that, the blinding light was gone.  the cloud remained, hovering just above where jooheon stood.  jooheon gently lowered his hand and turned towards the others.

he didn't say anything.  he didn't need to.

staring up at the cloud, an energy began to thrum deep under each of their skin; like they all knew this was the beginning of something.  no one was sure what was about to change, but it was clear that this was a tipping point; a precipice they had finally fallen from, with no way of climbing back up.

in the purple glow, whether it was out of fear or something else entirely, hyungwon slipped his hand into minhyuk's.

minhyuk held on tight.

 

-

 

minhyuk climbs into the tub.  the water is warm, but hyungwon is cold to the touch.  minhyuk runs his fingers along the younger's face; he knows exactly what hyungwon's face feels like, has had it memorized for months now, and this isn't it.

burying his face into hyungwon's neck, minhyuk cries.

he feels guilty.

"i'm so sorry," he breathes against the cold skin of hyungwon's neck.  "i'm so sorry.  we never should have ended up here.  you never should have ended up here.  i-"

his voice cracks and he lets out a wail instead.  tears are streaking down his face, burning tracks down his cheeks.  he can't remember the last time he cried like this.  he can't remember the last time he felt so human.  he wonders if that's what it means to die; to become completely human.

"i shouldn't have let this happen," he whimpers.

under the water, he links his hand with hyungwon's.  the younger's hand is limp and cold, pliant in minhyuk's grasp.

everything hurts.  the flower is draining everything out of him.   _it hurts to live_ , changkyun always used to tell them.  but he was wrong.  it hurts to die.  minhyuk wonders briefly if changkyun survived.  if any of them survived.

maybe they're all out there together, looking for the missing two.

minhyuk's mind begins to wander; they _are_ all alive, out there, searching for hyungwon and minhyuk.  they find them before it's too late, before the flower has taken everything minhyuk has to offer.  with six instead of one, they're able to bring back hyungwon with ease.  minhyuk burrows himself into hyungwon's arms, warm and soft and alive.  he kisses his lips and maps his face with his hands; the skin is smooth and warm.  it's everything that minhyuk has spent the last few months memorizing.  they all listen to hyungwon and give up the clan.  give up the flower.

minhyuk lets out another sob.  no amount of wishful thinking can help him now.  he's barely hanging onto the last threads of his life.  he kisses desperately at hyungwon's neck, too tired to lift his head up and kiss his face.

"i love you so much," he chokes out.  "i love you, i love you, i love you.  i should have listened to you. i should have-"

he clutches at hyungwon's hand desperately, like it is the only thing keeping him grounded.  there's a lot of things he should have done.  where his chest presses into hyungwon's, he can feel the faint beating of a pulse growing stronger.

under the water, hyungwon's hand twitches to hold minhyuk's and at last, minhyuk lets go.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this entire thing in under 24 hours so it's messy and maybe not as fleshed out as it could be but it's the first work i've published for monsta x so i'm pretty happy with the outcome!
> 
> a big thanks to both clarke and saje for beta-ing this for me, and also for always putting up with all my au talk. i love you both.
> 
> anyway, hit me up on [tumblr](http://seonyein.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjeonghyuk/). (as a side note, [here's](https://twitter.com/jjeonghyuk/status/732700011096616960) what the original second section looked like. wild how things change!)


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